I completely agree. We bear no shame for the choices our parents made. We left, we have made great strides against huge obstacles to get to where we are. When people ask me where I am I take a huge breath and say I was raised in a cult, I’m from a bit of everywhere and some of nowhere. They will either accept you or they won’t.
Great article. That damn scarlet letter ought to be replaced with a huge gold medal for leaving without support and doing something with our lives, but unfortunately out here I, like many of my friends, have to keep it a secret.
Unfortunately, all too true. For those of us who have children, it adds another dimension, another reason to hide what you’ve experienced. Because even if I feel I could handle the ignominy, the rejection, the weird looks, I would never put that on my kids. Other parents would not understand. Other parents wouldn’t want their children playing with mine. After all, who knows what weirdities might rub off by virtue of association? I know exactly how it would go. They’d be perfectly understanding, perfectly accepting to my face, but suddenly when we call for a play date, they’d never seem to be available. Suddenly I’d notice my daughter’s best friend’s birthday went by and she wasn’t invited. Hmm. And so we make the sacrifice of silence; never opening up, never allowing people to get close enough to really know us — and believe me, it IS a sacrifice, because our humanness craves that sharing, that acceptance — so that we may better allow our children to grow up in a community of acceptance.
Yup, totally get that (minus the kids). For all people’s pretense at “open-mindedness”, you find they slowly distance themselves from you all the same. Since my life is already an open book, I live by the mantra of ‘those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind’.
i totally share the feeling regarding having kids of our own. it’s difficult….they feel we might be hiding something, we don’t want to lie, we don’t want them to undergo the same alienation we felt….
I so wish those surviving and moving beyond such painful stories found compassion at each turn. your stories have moved me so .. I just don’t know where to take this need for action i feel within me. Amidst the media frenzy that must have been overwhelming on the release of Not without my sister and other survivors printed stories … I don’t know where my head was … but somehow I missed it and only read your story over Christmas. I just can’t remove them from my mind. I am so sorry for the damage done to all the children by those they trusted. How can I be a part of a creating a world that welcomes, embraces each of you and offers compassion and a place to land?
Thanks for your kindness and the offer to help! If you drop me a message (if you haven’t already), with your details and whereabouts you’re located, I can add you to potential contacts if any ex-kids in your area need some help, and of course, you are able.
I am living the lies from a cult that exist in my world still. My child, born sept 11… 2003… Is suffering so deeply due to my parents ways.. Obviously someone had to start the interaction somewhere WHO IS TO BLAME?
The more I read of you the more impressed I am, Juliana. I’ve had a really inspired evening that kicked-off with a viewing of “Inspired to Ride” (I know, some Saturday night!)…I look forward to reading “Not Without My Sisters” and “This Road I Ride”.
Rebecca Coppola
September 10, 2013 @ 13:34
I completely agree. We bear no shame for the choices our parents made. We left, we have made great strides against huge obstacles to get to where we are. When people ask me where I am I take a huge breath and say I was raised in a cult, I’m from a bit of everywhere and some of nowhere. They will either accept you or they won’t.
Olivia Mathews
September 10, 2013 @ 18:02
Great article. That damn scarlet letter ought to be replaced with a huge gold medal for leaving without support and doing something with our lives, but unfortunately out here I, like many of my friends, have to keep it a secret.
Juliana
September 11, 2013 @ 05:00
Unfortunate, indeed.
Anon, unfortunately
September 10, 2013 @ 19:04
Unfortunately, all too true. For those of us who have children, it adds another dimension, another reason to hide what you’ve experienced. Because even if I feel I could handle the ignominy, the rejection, the weird looks, I would never put that on my kids. Other parents would not understand. Other parents wouldn’t want their children playing with mine. After all, who knows what weirdities might rub off by virtue of association? I know exactly how it would go. They’d be perfectly understanding, perfectly accepting to my face, but suddenly when we call for a play date, they’d never seem to be available. Suddenly I’d notice my daughter’s best friend’s birthday went by and she wasn’t invited. Hmm. And so we make the sacrifice of silence; never opening up, never allowing people to get close enough to really know us — and believe me, it IS a sacrifice, because our humanness craves that sharing, that acceptance — so that we may better allow our children to grow up in a community of acceptance.
Juliana
September 11, 2013 @ 05:03
Yup, totally get that (minus the kids). For all people’s pretense at “open-mindedness”, you find they slowly distance themselves from you all the same. Since my life is already an open book, I live by the mantra of ‘those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind’.
ac
September 11, 2013 @ 02:54
i totally share the feeling regarding having kids of our own. it’s difficult….they feel we might be hiding something, we don’t want to lie, we don’t want them to undergo the same alienation we felt….
meg
February 11, 2014 @ 07:29
I so wish those surviving and moving beyond such painful stories found compassion at each turn. your stories have moved me so .. I just don’t know where to take this need for action i feel within me. Amidst the media frenzy that must have been overwhelming on the release of Not without my sister and other survivors printed stories … I don’t know where my head was … but somehow I missed it and only read your story over Christmas. I just can’t remove them from my mind. I am so sorry for the damage done to all the children by those they trusted. How can I be a part of a creating a world that welcomes, embraces each of you and offers compassion and a place to land?
Juliana
March 7, 2014 @ 09:37
Thanks for your kindness and the offer to help! If you drop me a message (if you haven’t already), with your details and whereabouts you’re located, I can add you to potential contacts if any ex-kids in your area need some help, and of course, you are able.
ownself greatness
February 16, 2015 @ 16:43
Great post i understand exactly what you mean.
S
August 24, 2016 @ 05:24
I am living the lies from a cult that exist in my world still. My child, born sept 11… 2003… Is suffering so deeply due to my parents ways.. Obviously someone had to start the interaction somewhere WHO IS TO BLAME?
Michael Kennedy
March 12, 2017 @ 03:00
The more I read of you the more impressed I am, Juliana. I’ve had a really inspired evening that kicked-off with a viewing of “Inspired to Ride” (I know, some Saturday night!)…I look forward to reading “Not Without My Sisters” and “This Road I Ride”.